Getting To Know You (Fantasty Version)

OK, I'm totally exhausted from a long fun day at the zoo, so instead of "writing" I am going to share this new "Getting To Know Your Friends" e-mail I just got, but with my fantasy answers rather than the plain boring facts.

1. What is your occupation? Cool cute girl host from "Dinner & A Movie" show on TBS

2. What color are your socks right now? Fuchsia

3. What are you listening to right now? Pearl Jam, acoustic live in my living room

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Lobster Ravioli in a tomato pesto cream sauce, with sun dried tomatoes

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Of course not, I have a car & driver

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My BFF, Kate Hudson (Katie to me)

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yes, I love her (this one is true)

8. How old are you today? 27

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? Is dodging the paparazzi considered a sport?

10. What is your favorite drink? Champagne, which I drink gallons of, natch

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Not myself of course, only stylist's to the stars touch this head!

12. Favorite food? That new chocolate invented, you know, the one with no calories

13. What was the last movie you watched? The last one I starred in of course

14. Favorite day of the year? All the days are faves

15. How do you vent anger? Spending thousands of dollars on elaborate shopping sprees

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Donnie & Marie dolls (also true)

17. Favorite Season? Fall

18. Hugs or Kisses? All

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries, sitting atop sundaes as big as my head

20. Living arrangements? Various homes, but presently summering in Maine, in my 8 bedroom antique house on a cliff overlooking the ocean

21. When was the last time you cried? With such a perfect life, why?

22. What is on the bottom of your closet? Who knows, maids clean it for me

23. What did you do last night? Went to the Academy Awards and hit the after-parties with Brad Pitt

24. Favorite smells? Ocean, all my money, suntan lotion

25. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Dahhling, it's only Caviar for me (I've never actually eaten this and would probably hate it)

26. How many states have you lived in? Too many to count, plus various places abroad


Have a great weekend!

Supernanny

So, I can't decide if I like to watch Supernanny or not. Sometimes I watch it and I end up feeling quite superior, and like a damn good mother. Go me! Other times I sit there, and feel as though I had better get off my ass and implement most if not all of her techniques or I will be raising a couple of serial killers. What are your thoughts? Is Supernanny a wonderful show where you can pick up timeless and fabulous tips to help control your crazy brood, or a depressing example of what you should be doing, but aren't?

My question is this, is Jo Frost friend . . . . or foe?

Jury Duty: Your Civic Duty, Or Cruel & Unusual Punishment?

So, I had jury duty yesterday. I was actually looking a little forward to it. A whole morning (at least) all to myself. I picked up a giant coffee from Dunkin and 3 magazines (People, US Weekly & Star of course). For some reason I felt like I had to tell the woman at the checkout that I was going to jury duty. I mean, the magazines were ALL I was buying, and so of course I felt I had to explain why. Yeah . . . like she cared. Anyhoo, all was well. Then I saw the sign on the door saying "No Cell Phones." I actually had to leave it in the car. It was quite unnerving to be totally out of touch, I mean, what if there was an emergency? I was completely UNREACHABLE. Apparently the courts of law do not care. The courthouse was really nice, and quite small, there were only 17 people there for jury duty. I should have known this was a bad sign. The chances of getting placed for an actual trial go up with such a small amount of people. So, 3 hours after I got there we were led in for the case. Let me back up by saying that the room where we were kept in was OK, but kind of small. And we were NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE. Not for anything. I felt a little bit like a hostage. There were bathrooms in this small room (I'll say again a really small room, where when you peed all 16 strangers out in the quiet room could hear you . . freaked me out.) And It is totally odd to me to sit in such a small area with that many people with NO ONE TALKING. So quiet, but that was good for my trashy magazine reading. It was freezing in there (of course I wore my sandals to show off my sexy pedicure, bad idea). I swear by the end of the day my toes were blue! So, we were told that the judge would call us up in about 15 minutes and told that if you had to go to the bathroom to do it now. Seriously, I now know what it is like to be a child. Sit here, go there, pee now, and wait. And wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. Of course, that 15 minutes actually took 1 1/2 hours.

By 11:45 I was one of the chosen 7 sitting on the actual jury for a D.U.I. trial. Around this time I was starting to wonder about food. There was nothing in the first room, you couldn't even buy a muffin or donut from a little cart. Now it was almost noon and they were just starting a trial. I was seriously starting to feel light headed. I had brought a granola bar, but I couldn't eat it now. I was part of a jury for christ's sakes. Everyone was looking at us. I couldn't start nibbling away on a snack. So, I sat. And I listened. I tried to pay attention, but it was hard. My mind tends to wander to other things. Especially when they kept telling us the same facts over and over and over. After a while I knew so much about that night back in October that I could have been in the freakin' car with them. So my inner monologue begins. Like who were those young guys in the seats. Were they friends of the baby-faced D.U.I. defendant, or did they like work there? Why did they both have the exact same weird haircut with it swooping up in the front? Was it perpetual hat head? Did the Prosecutor for the Commonwealth know that he was sweating, even though it was 33 degrees in there. And the defense attorney. He talked a mile a minute, fast fast fast, and I could tell he was greasy. You just could. He kept ending each question with this "blah blah blah blah blah, correct? Blah blah blah blah blah, correct? correct? correct? correct?" And the cop that was the witness. Did I know him from somewhere? Or is it just that cops in general around here look alike. Did he go to Westfield with me? It is a huge criminal justice school and he looked about my age. Oh, he's wearing a wedding ring. Wonder if he has kids . . . . arghgh, pay attention and listen to the facts, you are going to have to make a decision in a while here. Plus people kept coming in with papers, passing things to the judge. And the whole time the poor little boy, I mean defendant, just sat there looking straight ahead, and kind of like he might pee his pants.

Finally a little before 2 they wrapped it up, right about the time I started to get a faint whiff of pizza. Was I imagining it, like a mirage in a desert? No, they brought us into yet another small room and there was pizza waiting for us. Thank the lord because I that point I didn't care whether he was guilty or not guilty, I just had to eat. So, the pizza stunk, but at least it was food. We came to our decision pretty quickly (guilty, sorry poor kid, but he took a breathalyzer and you really can't argue with hard evidence like a .14). Then we had to wait yet again for the lawyers and judge to get back from lunch. Probably lunch on the outside, with real food, and beer, and weather. We waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited. 6 people, in a room, no windows, NO WAY OUT. Literally, were were told we COULD NOT LEAVE, even to walk outside to get fresh air and then come right back in. No one really talking. This just made me keep talking. About stupid things, anything. Finally I resorted to pulling out the Star magazine so that we could at least discuss pertinent world events, like if Angelina Jolie is really going to have twins, and what is actually in Suri's baby bottle? Toxic formula? The sweat of L. Ron Hubbard? And how do those mommy's get their bodies back after baby?

Finally were were led back into the courtroom to give our verdict. I am so glad that the little boy, I mean defendant, didn't cry or anything. That would have sucked.

Whirling Dervishes

Carol, this post is for you. Suzy told me that you read my blog and it made me so happy, since deep down I still have a nagging feeling that not many people actually read it (like my supposed best friend who didn't read it for weeks & weeks ~ you know who you are, Suzy). So I dedicate this next post to you. Your gorgeous grandchildren came to visit yesterday, and while I do love them to the death, my house may never be the same. Combined with my own 2, plus an add-on niece, the 6 of them joined forces together to become one giant cyclone, toys & crayons flying out from their path. For most people this would be fine, but for someone with O.C.N.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Neatness Disorder) it was a little rough. Jack yelled "EMERGENCY" when Jake opened up the Lego table and started dumping out Lego's, and when Suzy explained to him that dumping out Lego's is not a "real" emergency, I had to disagree. These are my kids, they know me, and they know an emergency when they see one. I thought Suzy's eyes would roll out of her head when she actually got a look at our Lego table.

To truly appreciate the Lego table I have to explain. During our recent ant-war, when our house became occupied with enemy forces, the Lego table became covered with them. There was probably a droplet of juice somewhere that attracted them, but in the end I had to take out all 11,540 Lego's, wash them, and wash out the table and put them back. Since I had them out anyway I decided to separate them by color (first I was going to separate them by color AND size, but abandoned that idea quickly). So I spent 2 weekend nights (and a total of 4 hours - OK, I'm not proud of this) putting the Lego's into bags. So far the kids have been pretty good about putting them back into their proper bags after we build something, although I know that it is only a matter of time before they are all mixed together again, like what happens with Play-Doh within 3 minutes. So you have to tell your daughter that yes . . . . disorganized Lego's ARE an emergency! :-)

PS: Love ya Suz!

Arthur LIVE on Stage

So I took the kids to see the Arthur LIVE on stage show yesterday, which was playing in Worcester at the Hanover theatre http://www.thehanovertheatre.org/. What can I say about that fabulous lovable aardvark and his cutey patuty sister D.W.? I laughed, I cried, I got up and danced. OK, I didn't cry, although I did tear up when I paid $30 for 2 spinning glowing Arthur wands. The kids loved the show, both of them, even though Jack admitted on the way that since he is 6 now, he may be bored. It was about Arthur and his 1st loose tooth. The tooth fairy was in it, and there was lots of fun stuff going on. It had a lesson of course. Because Arthur got $1 (thank you producers for not having the tooth fairy give him a 5!) for his tooth, D.W. tried to trick the tooth fairy to get money by putting a sharks tooth under her pillow. Arthur snuck in and took the tooth, leaving her his precious dollar in return. D.W. was happy about the money, but feeling guilty about tricking the tooth fairy, and ended up having Arthur hold onto the dollar for her until she really lost her tooth. All cute and great, what a nice brother Arthur is blah blah blah. On the way home I commented to Jack what a nice and thoughtful older brother Arthur was to do that for D.W., and he replied that he wasn't being nice, he just wanted D.W. to shut up about not getting a dollar already. It just goes to show that perspective is everything. I love it when I get a glimpse of what is going on in their little minds.

So it was a good way to spend a Sunday afternoon, they are both at such great ages to do stuff like this, finally. They have attention spans that last longer than 6 1/2 minutes, they can sit on their own, no one wears diapers or needs special bottles or snacks. I am not in a constant state of panic that one of them is going to just dart out of their seat and run onto the stage. I love it! I took them alone, since buying a $28 ticket for me to see Arthur was painful enough, I couldn't see paying that for Dennis to sit through it as well. I met up with a great girl Jen (well, woman I guess but I still don't think of us as "women" for some reason) that I work with and her 2 kids so it worked out perfect. It is so crucial to have that 1 other adult, so that if need be you can split up when 1 child needs to go to the bathroom/have a meltdown/get some air. The worst is when only 1 of your children has to pee but you have to drag the other one out of something really fun because of it, while they protest the entire time. In a perfect world all movie theatres that are showing kids movies would have a trained baby-sitter sitting in the back, just waiting for this reason. You could raise your hand or hit a switch or something and they would scurry down and sit with your child while you brought the other one out for whatever reason. That would be great!!!!! I think I would pay extra for a theater like that. McDonald's should have them too . . . . and amusement places . . . .and, well, everywhere we have to bring our kids solo actually.

Cluster

So, what a crazy week, what with illness and just too much stuff going on. To top it off, it was a total cluster week. We all have a cluster week I think. It is when holidays, anniversary's and birthdays are all within days of each other in one week. It started with Mothers Day, then my mother-in-laws birthday, followed 2 days later by my sister-in-laws, and then 2 days after that my father-in-laws. More importantly, 2 of my fabulous girls had birthday's this week, and I am ashamed to say that I didn't even get cards in the mail, phone calls made or even a simple "Happy Birthday" e-mail out to either of them. So, better late than never: ALI & JENNA ~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ladies, I hope you both had fabulous days. I love you!!!

Thinking of my friends birthday's made me miss them, and miss the days when we saw each other every day in college. Most of us lived together, and those that didn't might as well have. Birthday's were huge events for us, and we always celebrated in style. Our best had to be Kelly's infamous 21st birthday, when we ran out of beer and had SO MANY people in our tiny little apartment that you couldn't get from one side of the room to the other. Remember the bedrooms??? A designated shot room and . . well, other fun stuff. The night ended with a huge cake fight, and even I (the total NEAT FREAK) didn't give a damn about the cake mashed into the rug (but hey, it wasn't really my rug . . . right? That frosting never did come out . . . ) I am still surprised that the police didn't join us for that particular shindig, but the rest of that story is for a different blog I think.

I am so proud that even after all this time (we've been out of college what, 3 years now? ha ha) that we still see each other and still manage our annual Girls Weekend away every year. I hope that every reader out there has a group of friends like this they can share their lives with, it is so important. I feel truly blessed to have these girls, and truly thankful. So, with then in mind, I am going to post this great poem that my wonderful friend Pam wrote for our 10 year anniversary after graduating.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Years go by each faster than the last
Through all life's changes we create our past
Weddings, children, and homes are all new
But come January it's time to renew

Our friendship began a lifetime ago
Every year we have a new place to go
To share our lives, goals, and dreams
Laughter makes us burst at the seams

I wouldn't trade in one single year
Whether it's champagne we're drinking or just beer
Friendship like ours is very rare
And amazingly it shows no sign of wear

We've seen each other through so much
Never letting ourselves lose touch
Every time we are together
We realize we will be close forever

Nine years have come and gone
The tenth is here, as is our bond
To my Westfield girls I raise my glass
With you, my friends, I have a blast

CHEERS!

Thankful

Dear God, I am thankful for my washer & dryer. I am thankful for indoor plumbing, flushable wipes, Lysol and ginger ale. Mostly God, I am thankful for my washer and dryer (did I mention that), and coffee, very very thankful for coffee.

At 1:30 last night (this morning) I heard those 4 little words that every mother hears from time to time. These of course are "Mommy, I threw up." Jack then spent the next 5 hours alternating between puking, diarrhea, moaning and sipping ginger ale. I spent the next 5 hours holding a bucket, cleaning poop off the floor, filling tubs, disinfecting and doing mounds and mounds of disgusting laundry. But when I turned on the t.v. this morning "A Baby Story" was on TLC and this woman was like 22 hours into her labor and just starting to push and I thought to myself . . "it could be worse."

Remember to always look for that damn silver lining.

Discombobulated

Why do I feel like I am always that mother, the mother with the kids that won't listen, who is dropping things and dragging along a screaming child, while my sunglasses invariably keep sliding off of my head onto the ground. Only when I bend to pick them up things drop out of my bag and I lose my grip on my kid and they go tearing away and I have to throw everything on the ground to chase after them while they scream & cry & yell and hit at me? This was me tonight at T-ball. The game was at a new field, in a town half an hour away (away games for T-ball??? Seriously.) Abbey slept all the way there and had to be woken up when we arrived, then to get to the field you had to walk directly PAST a playground. No, pretty much through a fabulous playground with one of those great merry-go-round things. You know the ones that you sit or stand in while holding on to the bars while one kids runs pell mell in a circle pulling it and the force almost shoots you right off? Of course Abbey wanted to go to the playground, not to keep walking 200 more feet to the field for the game. And of course Jack just ran on ahead with his team, taking the field while I had his glove, and a giant bag of crap. THIS is when the whole crying/dropping/yelling/screaming fit occurred. I finally dragged Abbey over to the field but the whining continued, so much so that when a father with a little girl Abbey's age (who I really don't know that well, except for T-ball chatting) started off to the playground with her I begged him to take my daughter with him. Please . . . . I probably shouldn't ask, but please take my kid. He did, he must have seen the weariness in my eyes.

A Good Day

Well, Mother's Day turned out to be especially relaxing & good. Yay me! I spent Saturday with my own mother getting pedicures (THANKS mom!) and going out to eat with my Grandmother. I had only had 1 pedicure in my life up until now, so it was nice to do something for ourselves. I will admit it was hard to relax, my mom & I were both sitting upright soaking our feet, instead of lounging back in the chair in mediating fashion. Plus, I couldn't really understand the women much. "You want me to do what?? Feet in the water??? Both feet?? Oh, 1 foot, got it" and we cracked up when the older woman told my mother she would do her first because "You toes look hard, hard hard toes" My mom was actually wincing as she cut her nails and went at her with that pumice stick thingy. But in the end we have gorgeous toe-nails, which I will gladly show off at the town park and grocery store!

Sunday I got to sleep in, and my husband made me breakfast (not in bed, which is actually good because I don't really like to eat in bed, and not 2 hours early!) He even took the kids shopping on Saturday for cards & gifts, where I guess they debated greatly over whether to get me a new brush, but finally decided on a jewelry box so my stuff wouldn't be scattered all over my bureau. The kids even insisted they help me place ALL my jewelry into it immediately. I will admit that my husband lost steam throughout the day, like a marathon runner who starts off strong running with full might, but then finds themselves dragging ass mid-way by the time they get to the nice volunteers handing out water. I will admit that this was his best year yet, which means that he is improving with age and practice. It does help that the kids are older now and can help a little, and they were really excited about Mothers' Day (school must really play it up the week before). They both made me such adorable things in school. A special thanks to all those teachers out there who come up with the great ideas and help our little ones out.

Abbey gave me a beautiful magnet that looks like a butterfly with her picture in it, and she was so happy to tell me that she had made it all on her own, while Jack was super proud of his home-made giant card, with flowers coming out of the top, where he had written "I lub you mom" in huge letters. It really doesn't get any better than that.

Happy Mothers Day

Just wanted to give a shout out to all my peeps and say Happy Mother's Day! Hopefully your husbands won't forget or get you something loserish that you have never given any inclination of wanting (like say, jumper cables or a new weed whacker). Unfortunately, since most of our kids are way too young to gather up the change from their piggy banks, jump on their tricycles and ride to the store, we have to rely on our husbands to pull this day off. Scary. Personally, I would be happy with just a card, getting to sleep late and perhaps a Dunkin Donuts coffee & bagel. Oh, and of course total appreciation for everything I've ever done for this family, while my husband and kids wash the windows and organize their rooms, vacuum and clean up the yard, oh and of course I want to hear these blessed words ~ "Oh no honey, don't worry about making lunch, let me, you just lay on the couch and watch Lifetime T.V., can I get you another glass of wine? How about a grilled cheese sandwich?" Or even better "Bye hon, I'm taking the kids to my mothers and we won't be back for HOURS, love ya." I'm not holding out much hope for any of these things happening.

For my first mothers day Jack was only 3 weeks old. I was still in the sleep deprivation, sitting in a sitz bath, rubbing lanolin on my nipples stage of mothering, and feeling totally hormonal and unsure of myself. So my loving, wonderful, sensitive husband knew (you would think) that this would really have to be the Mother of all Mothers Days. So what did he do, that love of my life for the last 18 years??? He forgot. Got me NOTHING. Actually pulled over at CVS on our way that day to my cousin's house and said he just had to run in and grab me a card. While I waited in the car . . .what a romeo.

He has improved slightly over the years, although romance is not really his big thing, to say the least. The next year I got one of those Mother/Son Bears from Vermont Teddy Bear Factory (check out the pic above). Cute . . but really, more stuffed animals in our house? Last year he got up with the kids and made me breakfast in bed. Of course he cooked that breakfast (bacon & eggs) right at 7 a.m, then put in on the counter and they brought it up to me on a tray about 2 hours later. Yummmm, tasty.

So here's hoping for a Mother's Day for all that is a worthy thanks for all of the hard work we do all year long, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I think it is an impossibility. Smiles!

Addict

I had no idea that I had become so addicted to the computer until last night when we lost our phone & Internet service. I kept walking by, wanting to sit and quickly check my e-mail, or read a blog, or do some fantasy online shopping (where I fill shopping carts with things I don't intend to actually buy unless I hit the lottery). Instead I had to . . . gulp . . actually play with my children. It seemed like a long night too, we hit the park after I got home from work and Jack got home from school, but we still ended up having dinner on the early side, and had almost 2 hours to kill before bedtime hit. We played "Hullabaloo" which is a super fun game. I highly recommend it.

The park was pretty nice today, except for the sudden emergence of the black flies. The kids rode their bikes, but Jack had a wipe out and spent the rest of the time limping and whimpering. It was a pretty bad fall, resulting in a huge scraped and bleeding knee that required both antibiotic ointment, (ointment, don't ya love that word) and a giant bandage. The sad part is that the first thing I noticed and what I was truly most upset about was that he ripped his pants. They are practically brand new, only been worn maybe 3 times, and now they are basically ruined. Sure, I could sew them . . . but if you know me at all the thought of me actually sewing is laughable. First I would have to track down our 1 needle in the house, which I haven't seen since last summer when Dennis had to pull a splinter out of Jack's hand. Then I would have to find thread, which is usually used around here for wrapping things up or setting booby traps for people to trip over when walking down the hall. Come to think of it, I think we used it to create a zip line for Batman to fly down. Maybe if I can track down Batman he will have the thread . . . . . maybe he knows how to sew?

Poor Snow White

So, here is a recap of the conversation this morning with my 3 1/2 yr old daughter. "Mommy, Snow White doesn't have boobs sticking out of her dress but Cinderella and Belle do" Well . . . I told her that Snow White just had smaller boobs than other princesses (which ironically I never noticed before). Or maybe she just has a more modest dress? I'm not sure, but Abbey was very interested in why her boobs weren't falling (she actually said falling) out. Too funny. I explained that some women had big boobs, some small and some medium. She stuck out her chest and looked down, "small like me" and I told her how she was only a little girl, and she would get her boobs when she got older. She looked a little unsure but ran off to play soccer with the big round ball with the Princess pictures on it that started this whole conversation in the first place.

It was kind of hard not to crack up during this, although I understand her curiosity. I myself was totally intrigued when she got her first Barbie for her 3rd birthday. She had Barbies, old ones that used to be mine. We are talking about Barbies made circa late seventies, early eighties. These new Barbies looked weird to me. I couldn't figure out what was up with them, so naturally I undressed a "new" Barbie and laid it next to a naked "old" Barbie and examined them. Wouldn't you??? Anyway, new Barbie has a few very small differences. Her nose is a little bit flatter and wider, her neck shorter and her boobs smaller. Her waist is also thicker. I know they made all these changes to make Barbie look more "realistic" (yeah right, still doesn't look like me or anyone I know!) but the Mattel people did do a pretty good job. At least she would be able to walk upright if she were real. This is all good, but all the old Barbie clothes just don't fit right on these new chicks. Looks like they are going to need a whole new wardrobe ~~ good job Mattel!

When Darkness Falls

Why can't it get dark already???? I love the new longer days . . . sort of. But it is now 7:30 and my children are still running around wildly, because as my son so plainly put it "it can't be bedtime, it's still light out." But YES, it IS bedtime. It is, it really really is. . . . . . .

Spring! Out With The Old, In With The Ants

Ahhh, spring in New England, it is such a lovely time of year. Birds chirping, trees budding with new life, flowers sprouting, ANTS marching their way through my house like a bunch of unwanted annoying . . well, annoyances. While I love the end of winter, I seem to find myself in the same position every Spring, surrounded by piles of outgrown winter clothes, sorting through "might fit" summer-wear while simultaneously killing ants with bits of toilet paper. Nothing says Spring like a toilet filled with tiny ant corpses. I should be used to it by now, but every year I find myself surprised when I go into the bathroom on the first warm day to find about 25 ants having a party around my toilet. Why? Lovely . . . . and Abbey. Lord help us, she saw 1 ant on the seat and wouldn't use our upstairs bathroom for 2 days. I still have to go in with her to do an "ant" check.

As for the clothes, the same thing happens. I put away all the winter clothes that might possibly maybe fit next year, unload the summer stuff and then look around at huge piles of stuff. Stuff for friends, stuff for the Salvation Army, stuff for the trash that I can't even believe I let the kids wear! I feel like I am drowing in stuff . . so watch out Suzy & Pam, some of those piles are coming your way. ha ha