Sunday, August 30

So I Never Claimed To Be A Gourmet

For anyone who knows me, they know that cooking isn't really my thing. I would rather scrub my toilet than whip up a batch of something totally complicated, like sugar cookies. I would rather organize my arts & crafts closet than bake a pie. I LOVE those cookies that you just break apart and bake, as far as I'm concerned they are one of the best inventions of all time. I like to make casseroles, things that you cook in one dish. Throw in some ingredients that usually start with chicken (as long as they are not complicated I've never heard of ingredients, like pine nuts), cover, and bake. Voila'! Dinner is served. I like take-out, or better yet, going out. My kids eat a lot of nuggets, grilled cheese and soup, and breakfast for dinner (otherwise known as "brinner"). I knew all this about myself, but I still assumed that I could boil an egg. Well, you know what they say about people that assume. I stayed at my parents last night with my grandmother while they are away at the lake. This morning I wanted to make her favorite breakfast, soft boiled eggs and toast (a dish apparently eaten in abundance during the Great Depression). I mean, it's boiling eggs. How hard could it be. Well let me tell you, it's super hard. First the pan that I used didn't seem to get along with the fancy smancy flat conture of my parents stove top of the future. It kept jumping all around, cracking one of my first egg attempts. Then I lost track of like 2 minutes and the next 2 eggs ended up way too hard boiled. By now Nanny's toast was cooling rapidly and I still had no eggs to show in the cute little chicken shaped egg cups. The next 2 were better, but upon trying to peel them (which by the way is a COMPLETE bitch!) I discovered they were a little too runny. I deemed 1 cooked enough and delivered it to my super appreciate Nanny. "Oh, honey, you didn't have to make me this." This statement is ridiculous in itself, this from the woman who over my lifetime has served me hundreds of meals. Dozen's of Chicken Divan's. Countless butterscotch puddings made from scratch in fancy dishes with whipped cream on top. Endless holiday feasts. Yes Nanny, I think after a lifetime of making me food I can attempt to make you 2 soft boiled eggs. On my last attempt at a good soft boiled egg I smartened up and changed pans. This one sat on the flat stove top just right. The egg was simmered to soft boiled perfection. After it was done I even realized that the shell peeled off super easy. In my hand I had the perfect soft boiled egg.

Then when I was bringing it upstairs to her I tripped a little and the damn egg fell on the floor.

Stupid eggs.

Thursday, August 27

How Did This Happen?

Lately I've been asking myself "how did this happen?" or more like "how did I let this happen?" No, I'm not talking about how I got sucked into starting a Farmville farm on Facebook, but how did I let myself gain all this damn frickin' weight? Last fall I started out needing to lose about 15 pounds. Then over the winter when we had the lovely ice storm and all the repercussions from that horrid mess (living in a trailer, far from my treadmill, buried in snow), I gained another 10. So beginning this summer I had about 25 to lose. Not 25 to lose to get to a "pre-baby what I weighed on the morning of my wedding weight", but a "I feel OK about myself my clothes fit and I'm feeling pretty good" weight. And now I am further away from that than ever. I am feeling out of shape and out of sorts and out of time. Last week I actually wrenched my back shopping. Yes! Shopping! I took the kids back to school shopping and after our trip I could barely walk. I think I hurt it pushing the cart. The cart! I had to lay around on a heating pad, popping ibuprofen like an addict for 3 days. At that point I realized, something must be done. I am 35 years old. I should be able to push a cart around for goodness sakes. I started Weight Watchers at the beginning of the summer, but at the end of the summer all I have to show for it is a loss of $30 bucks and 0.5 pounds. No, that's not 5 pounds. That's 0.5 pounds. As in ONE HALF OF A POUND! Pitiful.

Grrrr. So I will try again. I will jump back onto my point counting dragging my tired fat ass on the treadmill exercising routine, and hope for a positive outcome. I'm thinking that with the kids starting school next week, us getting back into a routine again (which we SO need) and the crisp cool air of fall approaching, I can do it this time. I think. No, I can. I will. Wish me luck, I'm off to harvest my wheat in Farmville now.

Friday, August 21

People Our Age

I read this, and it made me laugh so hard I wrenched my back out (actually, I did that shopping, but laughing sounds better). Of course, I had to share it.

Random Thoughts From People Our Age
  • I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

  • I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

  • Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

  • That's enough, Nickelback.

  • I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

  • Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

  • Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.

  • Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

  • I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

  • How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

  • A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

  • Was learning cursive really necessary?

  • Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

  • Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

  • How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

  • Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

  • What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

  • I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

  • Bad decisions make good stories

  • Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

  • Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.

  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

  • There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

  • I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

  • "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

  • When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light Internet stalking.

  • I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.

  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  • Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

  • Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

  • Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.

  • My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

  • It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

  • I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

  • I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

  • The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Monday, August 17

Nothing Like Sleeping With Sand In Your Bed

Well, another vacation has come to an end. We had a fabulous and wonderful time at the ocean last week. I couldn't believe my luck actually. My boss has these houses right on the beach in Maine that they usually either rent out, or reserve for family but this year they had an open week. Actually, they had a couple of open weeks. (I am thinking that maybe the rich folk that usually shell out the big bucks for oceanfront vacation homes didn't have the extra cash this year?) Either way, their recession problems equaled a free vacation house for me, and I could not pass it up. Dennis didn't have any vacation time left (due to our aforementioned extravagant vacation taking) so it was just me and the kids. In an ironic twist Dennis ended up coming down with a nasty flu that may or may not have been swine and was home sick for practically the whole week anyway. Oh well, at least we missed the germs and his "I'm so sick I think I'm dying" man-whining. We were lucky that my parents and grandmother were able to come up for half the week and my cousin and her family came up the other half. My brother was there the whole week (the words "free" and "ocean" are right up his alley) and his girlfriend was able to take a day off and be up most of the week as well. It was hard for people to get time off because I was only offered the house about 3 weeks ago, but I was happy to forgo a week's pay and pack it up for yet another vacation, because, hey, vacationing is my life, right?

So we sat on the beach and soaked up the sun (after chasing the kids around spraying sunscreen at them while they screamed like hot wax was being dripped onto them) and even went out and bought boogie boards so that we could ride the waves in the warm ocean water. (Seriously, it was like 70 degrees, and this is MAINE we're talking about!) We walked to the pier and rode the rides and ate fried dough and played games that cost $2 where you win a stuffed animal that cost 31 cents to make. We played a very expensive round of mini-golf where everyone managed to get a hole-in-1 (well, almost everyone . . . sorry Matt). We ate lobsters dipped into melted butter and did sparklers on the beach and watched fireworks, and well, just had a perfect beach vacation. There was still the usual whining and demanding and fighting, but all in all the kids were pretty good. They have been totally spoiled though. Never again will we be going on this many vacations so close together, and I fear that I have set them up for a lifetime of summertime disappointments. Oh well, I guess they'll live.

Me and my cousin Colleen. We have vacationed together every summer for 35 years!

Cameron playing dead (notice the "boob" shells Jack placed on his chest)

Abbey the boogie boarding queen

Abbey and her Uncle Matt

Abbey and Brady riding in style

Jack was so proud to go on all the big rides with his older cousin. Here they are on their 6th ride on the rollercoaster, right in the front as usual.

Is it just us, or does everyone accumulate this many towels and crap?
(Notice the other house in the background - not ONE towel hanging off the deck!)

The whole group waiting for the tide to come in and destroy our day's work of sand castle building

On another blog-worthy note, have you ever heard of ski-ishing? We ran into 2 guys (who were apparently insane) on the beach late one night. Well, it was like 9, but that's late to me. They were wearing full-on wetsuits with flippers and everything, and they had fishing polls with them. They told us they swim out to about 40 feet of water, float there the ENTIRE night, and fish. If they catch one they let it pull them (hence, the ski-ishing part). They said they would float with the current and be at it until dawn. Yup, I thought they were nuts too.

Saturday, August 8

Ocean Bound!

Well, we're off to the ocean in Maine for a week. You might be saying to yourself "wow, they've taken a LOT of vacations this year!" and you know what? You'd be right!

Thursday, August 6

Floating Around In A Giant Swan

Yesterday some friends and I took our kids into Boston to go to the Common. In all of my years of life I had never been to the Boston Common, so it was really fun. Although they predicted sweltering heat and afternoon thunderstorms the weather turned out to be fine. Hot, yes. But no storms. We almost cancelled, but decided that since we live in New England that weather reports really don't matter that much and we should go anyway. So glad we did. We rode the Swan Boats which were great. And cheap! Only $2.75 for adults and $1.50 for kids. Granted it is only a 15 minute ride, but still. The kids loved it. After that we walked over to the other side of the common where they had a playground and places for us to have our picnic lunch. I'm not sure why eating on the ground has such appeal for kids, but mine love it. After that the kids were begging to go in this:
I had no idea that the Common had this Frog Pond spray area. It is a giant shallow wading pool that was filled with kids. No one had brought any bathing suits or towels, but with the intense heat beating down on them there was no stopping the kids. They just threw off their shoes and shirts (well, the girls left their shirts on) and ran in with their clothes on. Even though they have spent countless hours this summer swimming in lakes and jumping into backyard pools, jumping around in this particular body of water fully clothed seemed to give them more thrills than if they were swimming with dolphins in a clear blue Caribbean Sea. Of course, all we mothers could see were parasites and germs floating around in what basically was a giant tub filled with children. Although they put chlorine in it every day and drain it and re-fill it every 10 days (pray we were on day 1!) it still gave us the heebie jeebies. But the kids loved it, and that's all that is important. If they get a sty in their eye, well, don't come crying to me. I told them not to put their heads under the water!