Things Motherhood Has Taught Me

Here is a random list of things that being a mother has taught me (in no particular order of importance).

Not bringing food with you into the bathroom is something that you actually have to teach your children, not something that they just know.

You can worry about things you didn’t even think existed before you had kids.

You are never “fair.”

No matter how occupied your children are, they will need you urgently the second you either sit on the toilet or pick up the phone.

The theme song for “I Carly” is quite catchy and good to dance along with.

All of the actors you remember from your own television shows as a child are now apparently providing the voices for every cartoon character under the sun, i.e., “is he watching the Wonder Years in there? I think I hear Fred Savage.”

Band-Aids are required every time you leave the house.

To a child sunscreen is the same as hot searing acid. The same goes for bug spray.

A fever in the middle of the night is 1,000 times worse than the exact same fever at 2 in the afternoon.

The people who make children’s programming are on some sort of hallucinogenic drugs.

You would die to save your children. You would rip someone apart with your hands like a wild mother bear if anyone tried to harm them.

You can no longer watch any kind of news involving the abuse of children.

Oddly, permanent magic marker does not stay on Ziploc baggies.

You can exist on less sleep than you ever thought possible.

Sleeping “in” means sleeping past 8 am.

You can use your hands as a tissue, when given no other choice. You can also use your sleeves.

You can love another person unconditionally, and more than you love yourself.

What have you learned?