Monday, June 8

Bookends

Old Friends
Old Friends
Sat on a park bench like bookends

Since I was a little girl my mother has always had different groups of friends she hung out with. Old friends, school friends, work friends. I learned from her that you don't have to choose, and could have as many friends as you wanted. As I grow older (but not OLD) I notice that I have the same thing in my own life. I have a couple of friends from high school, some known my whole life family friends, some from college, work friends, and now town friends. This latest group is made up of mothers that I have met through different things around town, and we see each other a lot. At the park, the school, the library, the bus stop, taekwondo. At the baseball and soccer fields. We talk about the town, teachers and coaches and homework, and of course the kids. We have been getting together too, for dinner or for drinks. It is a lot of fun to have people to hang out with that live close by. There is a big group so when something is planned whoever can make it, makes it and it is just nice. So while I preface this by saying that I am enjoying my new found town friends immensely, I will not make the mistake of referring to them as my "girls"again, like last Friday when I posted on Facebook that I was "heading out with the girls for drinks." Typing it felt wrong, and at first I couldn't understand why. Then as I was walking out the door my best friend, my college/life/forever friend Suzy called. As soon as I told her that I couldn't talk, that I was running out the door and heading out with the "girls" for drinks I knew why. Even saying that I was going out with "the girls" when she wasn't one of them sounded wrong on my tongue. Believe me, she knew how wrong it sounded too. Everyone in our families know, when you say you are going out with the girls, it only means one group. THE girls. The college group. I know she doesn't begrudge me my new friends, but damn, I shouldn't be calling them my girls! The next day some of us were all together at the Cape. The families had all gathered for one of our as often as we can get togethers and she ratted me out to the others. They were equally aghast with disbelief that I had called these foreign women "my girls" and had no problems at all telling me how wrong I was. They even came up with their own name for my new friends, but I won't share that here.

The funny thing is that if anyone had told me during my sophomore and junior year of college way back in 1994 that these new friends I was making would become a part of my life forever, I don't know if I would have believed them. For instance, if someone had whispered in my ear when I met Suzy that day in the hall of our dorm, her blond hair as curly as all out, wearing her cheerleader uniform, that this girl would grow up to be one of the woman I would share all my secrets with, I would have laughed at them. Her, that cheerleader? No way. But college life bonded us, all of us. We ate together, partied together, studied together (yes mom, we did study sometimes). Shared secrets and stories and our lives. And that is the way it has stayed. We don't see each other nearly enough, we are all flung out in different spots, but when we do see each other it is like nothing has changed. It's like we could be heading out to the caf for lunch. Its just the same as always.

I am lucky that I have so many friends, and I treasure ALL of them. As the saying goes, some are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Maybe the difference between season friends and lifetime is the ability to be able to call each other out on their shit and still be friends? I shouldn't have called these new women my girls, shame on me for that. Pam should learn how to use the delete button on her camera, Suzy snorts. The point is that we love each other anyway. Just as much as ever.

14 comments:

Lindy said...

I love this post. Good friends aren't always sunshine and daisies - they tell it like it is and you love them for that.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe the difference between season friends and lifetime is the ability to be able to call each other out on their shit and still be friends?"
Suz and I were just talking about this this past weekend with one of her Mhd friends. Great post!
Carol B

Suzy said...

You know its a good post when your mother calls and says - go to "human napkin" and call me later!
Thanks Friend!

Pam said...

GREAT post, and your new 'town' friends should know that even though they're not 'The Girls' they're still lucky to have you as a friend. Love you...

FYI - when I met Suzy, she was hitting on my boyfriend wearing her cowboy hat/boots!!! I'd never have believed we'd be lifelong friends either....life certainly has it's ironic twists...(LOVE YOU SUZ!)

One more thing....you will be happy to know that I used my 'delete' button on my camera this week...baby steps...

Anonymous said...

You are very rich. It is one thing to have friends but quite the other to realize the value of that gift. They are all lucky to have you and you them. I am glad you are my friend. Love, your Mom

jenna said...

Alex always wonders how we all ended up together...we are all so different, and he is right- but the partying that brought us together isn't what keeps us together...it is that we are here for each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly- NO MATTER WHAT- no judgement! I couldn't imagine life without any of "the girls"- I love you all!!! Great post, Kirsten!!!

CaitRenee said...

I love when your blogs are heart-warming.

Anonymous said...

Kirt - your a fabulous writer..and an even better friend!! I'm lucky to have you...love, hil

Anonymous said...

damn girl, now you made me cry!
and it deepens my regret for missing this past weekend...hope it was fun!
~kel

Amy said...

We are all so lucky to have you in our lives, Kirsten! Really nice post.
love, Amy(your SIL)

Kirsten said...

Thanks to everyone for your oh so nice comments, you all brought a little tear to my eye (and you no I don't cry!) ;-)

Anonymous said...

I miss you and HATE that I'm not being one of the girls! You rock, have always rocked and always will rock. ;)ALi

mis said...

your old best friend feels sad reading this too, wants you to know you are still my best friend no matter what
also wishes for any kind of friends out here

Erin said...

What can I say, I've read this post a few times, brings a tear or two to my eye everytime! Wonderful post from a wonderful, down to earth, clever, beautiful, incredible soul. I'm very grateful to be one of 8.