How Many?

Do you ever have to answer the following question: "How many more bites before I can be finished?" If you are a mom (or a dad) the answer is probably YES! I answer this question daily, mostly from Abbey. She spends SO much time talking during meals that it is not unusual for the rest of us to be finished and she has taken 2 bites. She has story after story after story, each more interesting than her meal. Inevitably I have to tell her to stop the yakking and eat, and then the question arises "How many more bites?" The other day I realized that there is NO correct answer to this question. It is based on such a huge amount of variables that it would be impossible for anyone but you to answer. For instance, what else have they eaten that day? If lunch consisted of a bowl of carrots dipped in ranch dressing followed by a nice apple, perhaps the correct answer for bites of veggies left would be 2. On the other hand, if lunch was macaroni & cheese with a side of oreo cookies, the answer could be more like 6 bites. My answer also depends on my mood. Am I in a good mood? Then maybe 3 bites of veggies will do. Already mad at you for taking every single pillow off of every single item of furniture in the house after I told you not to? Then the answer might be 4. The day of the week also has an impact. Is it a weekend? A Friday night? Then forget it, the answer is you're done and leave the kitchen already and where is that bottle of wine?

So you see, the question of "How Many More?" is really quite difficult. It is much more than a simple number. It is dependent on mood, weather, the calendar, and so much more. You will remember this the next time your child asks you how many more bites they have to take. Your mind is like a steel trap sifting through variables to come up with the correct answer, and you didn't even know it.

7 Foods You Had No Idea About

Here's a tip, when you tell Kai-Lan on t.v. to use the brain in her giant over sized head to answer her own damn questions, that means you need to eat lunch because you are obviously getting cranky. Luckily I heated up a panini mighty quick before I started swearing at the little sprite. Then I was perusing the computer and came across these ominous words: "7 Foods That Should Never Cross Your Lips." Not that you shouldn't even just eat, but that should never even come in contact with your lips! I thought to myself, "it is probably stuff people don't ever eat anyway, like ammonia or peroxide" and decided to check it out. This, ladies and gentlemen, are the 7 foods you should never eat. I mean never, don't even think about it you might as well just throw yourself in front of a bus right now because you are going to die if you eat any of these things list:

1. Canned Tomatoes. Ummm, yup. I'm pretty sure I didn't see this one coming right off the bat. Something about a chemical in them is really bad for you? Good thing I'm not adding these to anything I cook, right?

2. Corn-Fed Beef. I personally have no idea what the beef I buy eats. I get it in the grocery store, in the beef section, and it doesn't say what kind of diet the aforementioned cow had. Upon further reading though the article says that you should get grass-fed beef, which you can find at Farmers Markets. Since I have never bought any meat at a farmers market, and am pretty sure that we don't even have farmers markets around here (especially in the winter!), we are screwed on the beef front, best to just stick with chicken.

3. Microwave Popcorn. Damn. We are in trouble.

4. Non-Organic Potatoes. Pretty sure this counts that flaky kind that comes in a box or a pouch.

5. Farmed Salmon. Phew, we hardly ever eat fish, unless it is in the form of a stick, so we are all set here.

6. Milk produced with artificial hormones. OK, so maybe I just grab whatever milk is the least expensive and is 1%. Then I read you should buy Walmart's Great Value brand milk, because they don't use something called rBGH. I totally buy Walmart milk. All the time. Phew. I am a good mother.

7. Conventional (meaning non-organic) Apples. Apples. As in an apple a day . . . blah blah blah.

So I have to go now. I'm going to go and munch on an apple while heating up some microwave popcorn for the kids for a snack, to hold them over until their dinner of fish sticks and boxed instant mashed potatoes is cooked. Don't worry, I'll make sure they drink their milk.